What am I talking about? A number of things. KY Yours and Mine, Wet Together and Lure for Her and Lure for Him. Mind you, I have tried none of these products, but I have a beef with them all.
Why? They’re all heteronormative. Neither of the lubes account for the fact that the couple might be two men, two women, or something in between or beyond.
On Wet Together: “His warms. Hers tingles. She applies his to him. He applies hers to her. The intimate act of touching makes the connection. The two unite, body to body, heart to heart.”
Aww. I’m touched. Really. (Not really.) What about two men? What about trans folks? What about poly folk? WHAT ABOUT TWO WOMEN!? I sold some of the KY Yours and Mine to a lesbian the other day, and she looked at my boss and I and asked, “What if it’s two women? It’s not hers and hers, it’s his and hers, will it still work?”
My boss looked at me and we just shrugged. I broke it down, told her that essentially, one of the KY Yours and Mine lubes cools and the other warms, and that the partners don’t need to be male and female, that that part is just marketing. She bought it even though it’s marketed to straight folks, and she’s doing the same thing LGBT folk have been doing every step of the way; taking the heterosexual world and the things made for heterosexual people and turning it around, flipping it inside out, and reshaping it so that it’s okay to use. Not perfect, but okay. It’ll work, but it’s not the prettiest thing, and it’s certainly not marketed to us.
Now the Lure, that’s a pheromone cologne. I don’t want Lure for Her, because won’t that attract men? And I’m not totally sure I want Lure for Him, because I don’t know what that smells like. I’m pleased that Lure has a Unisex variety. Lure confuses me in general because they all look to have the same pheromone in it, but it’s still a step in the right direction to have a unisex variety.
But back to the lubes. I get that most couples are straight, statistically speaking, and that sex toys and lubes and all of that are still often marketed as “marital aids” (though really, “extramarital aids” are more like it), but really, there are no lubes like KY Yours and Mine marketed to gay couples or lesbian couples (or trans couples or poly folk).
I’m not unrealistic, I can see where there would be problems. The whole idea revolves around applying the lube seperately and then putting the warm-lubed penis in the cold-lubed vagina (or some variation of that), and the fun is when the temperatures meet. That’s tough when the penis is going in an anus, and I imagine a cold or tingly lubed anus wouldn’t be a joy when met with a warm-lubed penis, unless of course that’s your thing. Generally, tho, the stimulating hot-cold-tingly lubes aren’t for the butt. And for women? One gal gets cold lube vagina, the other gets hot lube vagina… and then, tribbing? Maybe. And this I would pay to see, but it’s not the most common sex act between women and otherwise you don’t get the full effect of the meeting of the temperatures. There’s possibility in trans relationships for the meeting of body parts in such a way to utilize the lubes, but that becomes complex and I feel that the companies would put their feet in their mouths if they tried to market it for transfolk.
Still, I’m disappointed that there is a product out there for straight couples that doesn’t apply so well to LGBT couples.
And what about poly folks? We should have “Come Together” lube with an assortment for poly relationships, warming, tingling, cooling, stimulating, etc. I’m not being glib (hard to believe, I know). These couples lubes leave so many people out, and I’m annoyed.
I think a big part of my problem is the taglines that talk about the intimate application between a man and a woman, and that this lube helps a man and a woman connect body to body and heart to heart in a lovely ad-copy way that leaves out the beauty of other comings together.
I realize it’s hard to fix, but I want it fixed. I want some cool lube made just for lesbians, and another just for gay men, and some just for trans folks, and more for poly folks. More lube for all! Marketed to us with vaguely sexual TV ads, but the characters in the ads should be less shy about it (have you SEEN the ads?) and just be fucking fabulous about their badass LGBT lubes.
I’m not kidding. Wet, Topco, whoever’s listening, make it happen. And I want 20%. (If I see a “Come Together” lube branded for poly groups and there’s no check in my hand, I am suing someone’s ass.)
1 Comment
July 22, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I gotta say, as a woman in a relationship where latex is not necessary, my favorite lube EVER is marketed to gay men. Boy Butter original oil-based formula … it rocks every kind of shit. And they have a latex friendly water-based version too (although I’ve never tried it).
To be honest, for the same reasons you’re ranting, I gotta say when I saw a lube made by and for and marketed to gay men, I wanted to use it on principle. The fact that it kicked most other lubes’ asses was a bonus.